#i might write fic over the weekend for danshu and maoze

[drivingsideways]

Now that I’m caught up to episode 20, my rage is somewhat assuaged; mostly because of that wonderful scene at the end of episode 18 where Cao Danshu is finally allowed to give voice to her anger and bitterness and sorrow. 

Under the cut for length and rambling

-I love that scene for many reasons- one, that she verbalizes her feelings with no ambiguity or holding back. That directness that you love about her in the initial scenes is on full display. Two, that she does it while casting aside the “proper behaviour” code that she’s been adhering to.  Three, that she does it to someone, and not just anyone, but to Maoze, of all people, ostensibly the Emperor’s man, but I love that when she lets herself be seen at her most vulnerable, it’s an acknowledgement that she knows that he sees her, because he’s been paying attention, unlike A Certain Person We Could Name. And the fact that she trusts him with her vulnerability is also an acknowledgement that she sees him, and how he defaults to kindness and empathy, and knows that he’s safe. Four, oh, Maoze. That moment when he reaches out to touch her, and almost does, but then restrains himself. OH NO. I LOVE. THIS IS THE HILL I WILL DIE ON.

- In the next episode when she thanks him for not ratting her out for inappropriate behavior or worse, judging her for it- and when he says, whatever you decide, I wish you well, and her little smile, OH NO, HOW AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO SHIP THEM. The version i was watching on viki seemed to have an abrupt scene cut where they talk about the calligraphy she’s put up. “At that time I thought it was a beginning” she says, and I expected that sentence to be followed up with something more definitive, but I’m just going to assume that she’s decided to be done with the pining for a man who, for whatever reason, cannot love her as she wants him to, and move on.  You go, girl, YOU GO AND PLAY WEIQI WITH MAOZE AND TEASE HIM SLOWLY OUT OF HIS RESTRAINT AND PROPRIETY AND BE TWO HAPPY LITTLE BIRDS EVEN IF YOU’RE TRAPPED IN A LONELY CASTLE. 

- The contrast between Cao Danshu’s sword dance and her fire and fury and Zhang Bihan’s “dress up” as a soldier could not be more apparent, and well done, show.

- Have I mentioned how much I loved Instructor Jia? Honestly, find her one of the real-est characters in the show, and I love a good schemer who just wants to make sure that she’s not out on the streets. I hope we’ll find out what happened to her- though given that Zhang Bihan was only made attendant (which, oooh, Danshu, good on you, if that was you being petty, you fucking deserve to be)- I doubt anything very good happened to Instructor Jia. I assume she may have been banished from the Palace. 

- Emperor Fucklord wants someone who loves him only for “himself” and basically exists only to soothe his ego? Colour me surprised, toxic masculinity much? Like half his problem with Danshu is because Mommy Issues (TM). Fact is, Empress Dowager didn’t force his birth mother to give him up, it was his father’s decision. But of course, he could only spend his entire life blaming her, and being a spoilt fucking brat to boot, intimidated by her power ( and having those feelings of ill usage be validated by all the men in the court who were also like AN EMPRESS NO HOW CAN BE NEVER MIND THAT SHE’S FUCKING GOOD AT HER JOB OH NO A VAGINA!!!!!WE ARE DOOMED!!! ) 

Watching him make a stupid fucking decision regarding Bihan just made me realize what a child he is. Poor little boy, only literally the most powerful man in the kingdom, but oh no, so helpless, so constrained by propriety, so unloved, nobody who sees him for himself. (Also, my god, that entire conversation with Zhang Bihan when he says, “everyone only cares for me as Emperor, but I’m keeping you for me..” as though He’er didn’t exist, as though he didn’t take advantage of her devotion to him, her docile nature. Wazzup, fucklord, He’er seem boring now that the next younger model who’ll flatter your ego with her worship turned up?) 

And then of course, two years later, he’s yelling at Zhang Bihan for not showing more propriety or considering his position as Emperor and the responsibility toward the people etc. 

Well, enjoy, I’m sure things are going to get worse when you make her a concubine (which, oh, i love how Bihan is like “I don’t care about anything but you, i don’t care about status” and then cannot stand that Maoze is her superior; Maoze’s cutting her down to size was also hugely satisfying.) 

- Emperor Fucklord’s increasingly pointed comments about how Maoze seems to know more about his wife than he does make me viciously satisfied, and when in Episode 20, he tries to glean info about the Empress’ thoughts via Maoze, and Maoze basically stonewalls him: I CACKLED. YOU TEACH HIM MAOZE. 

-I loved Danshu’s and Crown Prince Zhao Zongshi’s conversation about love in Episode 20. At this point, my only hope is that relationship grows stronger and more loving as the years go by. 

-And when Renzong comes by, tail between his legs, but still acting so fucking entitled, I loved that Danshu greeted him with polite friendliness and courtesy and did not one thing else to endear herself to him? Oh how the turn tables. 

- Other than this, I confess to tuning out a lot of the pontification that seems to make up the “political” side of things. I mean, not that the governance and political side of things isn’t interesting per se, it’s just that it gets....too much, weighs down the pacing. Like I feel the drama is so slow because they couldn’t decide whether to be a domestic slice-of-life or a political drama; and the thing is, clearly the writers have a hard on for Renzong, and I think are attempting to give a “balanced” context to his life and times as such, but despite Wang Kai being  a decent actor (and very handsome!), I’m sorry, but he’s just...increasingly unlikeable, at least to me. I feel they try really hard to make him more sympathetic a character, esp in regards to his relationship with Cao Danshu, where they often frame it as miscommunications due to different temperaments and childhood backgrounds, which could be a problem in any kind of relationship, between people of any gender. At least, I think that’s how the writers are seeing it. But at the moment I don’t know if the writers have any sense of what a privileged misogynist prick he comes across as, or whether they will ever have the character confront that in the narrative and (hopefully) come out better for it. 

I can hope so, but the truth is, I’m not holding my breath for it. Like, they made a conscious decision to adapt a novel about a love story between a woman and a eunuch into a story about a powerful heterosexual man who exhibits an unfortunate tendency to see himself as a victim. So....yeah, not holding my breath.